Daniel's Guest Blog on Powell's Books

The following is Daniel Pinchbeck's guest blog at Powell's Books, which he has been keeping since the release of his new book Notes from the Edge Times. Daniel is in California this weekend for the San Francisco premiere of his documentary film 2012: Time for Change at the Landmark Lumiere Theater on Saturday & Sunday at 7 pm. Please click here for tickets to the screenings, which are all followed by panel discussions. He will also be reading at City Lights Books on Monday night at 7 pm.
"Coherance Between Thought and Action", October 18, 2010
It is Sunday night, the end of an intense week for me. The documentary that features me as narrator and interviewer, 2012: Time for Change, came out in Los Angeles on Friday, October 8, at the Laemmle Sunset in Hollywood, and debuted in New York at the AMC Village East on Friday, Oct 15. At the same time, my new book, Notes from the Edge Times, was released by Penguin. Last weekend, I suffered with a bad cold and then had an extreme allergic reaction to the dogs living at the house where I stayed in LA. This became a full-scale asthma attack in NYC that sent me to the Beth Israel Emergency Room for treatment today, as my breathing was getting extremely shallow.
The lungs are one of my constitutional weak points. In Chinese medicine, the lungs are associated with grief and mourning. I don't know exactly what I am grieving for so intensely. As the author of a previous book on the prophecies of the Classical Maya and other traditional cultures about this time, I have an unusual, occult perspective on the world. The vision presented in my work and in our new film is ultimately optimistic, proposing that the human species is undergoing an evolution of consciousness and behavior that will lead to a new, more equitably and ecologically balanced planetary culture. At the same time, we may face intensifying crisis and global catastrophe along the way, quite soon, in fact.
In the evolutionary process that I describe in my writing and now the film, I often feel like a transitional test-case and still, in some ways, an unsuccessful one. Perhaps that is part of the grief that I find myself carrying with me at this point. Over the last several months, I have been dealing with my inveterate habit of not taking care of myself properly, of giving less priority to my own health and well-being than to the "mission" I am on, and the various responsibilities I keep hoisting onto my shoulders.
Some artists and writers have a tendency to ignore all warning signs and plough forward, despite any distractions or pains, even crippling ones. My father was like that and I seem to have inherited his disposition. The artist's mission is a bit like a possession trance — falling into it is fascinating, also frightening.
After my last book, 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, came out, people at my talks kept asking me what I thought they should do in this transitional time. I felt a responsibility to develop some answers to that. My 2012 book was very philosophical and did not present a set of tangible or practical ideas. This led me, ultimately, to make the film and also to launch a web magazine, Reality Sandwich and a social network, Evolver, as well as the new book. I wanted to build a foundation for critical inquiry into culturally suppressed areas, along with a tangible infrastructure for local communities to find each other off-line, to transform society by melding visionary ideas with practical techniques. Building a company, making a film, writing the essays collected in the new book, doing public appearances all over the place, taking care of my daughter, almost simultaneously, have taken a toll on my health over the last years, and have left me aching to escape from all lesser commitments in order to dive back into the deeper waters of research, thinking, and writing — the edge realm of potentiality, where it is possible to transmute bits of the unknown into the known.
I grieve for my own imperfections, the areas where I do not behave coherently, and how my mistakes reverberate on people around me. Luckily, I am seeing a woman, a fantastic Viking faerie queen, who is wise, deep, and forceful enough to challenge me in many areas. This morning, after waking up with euphoric howlings at the sunny blue sky, she pointed out that it was far easier and more glamorous to go around talking about all sorts of great ideas than to actually make changes in your life that are essentially invisible to other people, such as buying a water filter or composting.
Personally I often find it difficult to break old, gnarly patterns of behavior and start new, healthier ones. This is why I feel it is necessary to build communities where people share an intention and at least elements of a vision. Peer groups are an effective way to change behavior, as the Burning Man festival demonstratesPeer groups are an effective way to change behavior, as the Burning Man festival demonstrates each year. It is amazing how a policy like "Leave no trace" is enforced immediately by the collective. Still that's not an excuse; as we all know by now, change starts from within. And I am not suggesting Burning Man is some perfect model, either.
Right now, I am seeking to find my way forward to a more coherent, balanced, and integrated way of life. I know it is crucial for my own well being — perhaps my long-term survival as well, as I am oddly sensitive and, at 44, not as immediately resilient as I was in the past. If it is less glamorous than taking large gulps of ayahuasca in the Amazon, or gagging down iboga in Gabon, establishing basic coherence between your thoughts and actions is no less important. Considering the world we live in, it may even be more difficult, and therefore more heroic.
Another annoyance this week that may have intensified my sense of grief was the review of our film from the New York Times. Titled "Waiting for Something Big," the short, snide putdown by Neil Genzlinger had almost nothing do with the film, projecting the author's biases and hostilities. Genzlinger wrote:
"2012: Time for Change," 85 minutes of naïveté with the occasional interesting idea thrown in, gives Daniel Pinchbeck another chance to flog his 2012-theme books ('2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl') and the notion that a little over a year from now Something Big is going to happen.
The film, directed by João Amorim, spends much of its first third looking like a cable TV scare-u-mentary on Nostradamus, using images of destructive waves and such to illustrate the prediction (the Mayans foresaw it all) that 2012 will bring cataclysmic change. But Mr. Pinchbeck tries to nurture the notion that this change doesn't have to be negative; it could instead be a global consciousness-raising that embraces one-with-nature ideas from the counterculture handbook.
Mr. Pinchbeck talks to assorted experts on such things. All of them look well off and self-satisfied. None of them seem to acknowledge that the planet has almost seven billion people on it or have room in their worldview for annoying facts of life like brutal dictators, ethnic hatred, entrenched poverty and plain old greed.
Everything will be fine, this film argues, if we all just chew some hallucinogenic roots, get a worm-filled personal composting box and hike into the rain forest for a 'shamanic experience.' The line forms at the border."
I could easily go through this review line-by-line and deconstruct the deliberate lies and misconceptions in this piece. As I noted on Facebook, where I asked people to write letters to the NY Times if they saw the film and disagreed with this assessment, "I don't feel the film is perfect but it is certainly far more nuanced and worthy of deeper consideration than what is presented here."
The film is less about specific solutions than about the methodology and mindset necessary to deal with the catastrophes the human species is bringing upon itself, out of unconsciousness. Underlying poor NG's review is his own sense of nihilistic hopelessness — that the 7 billion poor humans are doomed to endless war and ethnic conflict and will always be preyed upon by greed and misery. The alternative perspective pioneered by Bucky Fuller is that we can make use of design science to create a planetary culture that works for everybody.
Why wouldn't you at least want to encourage people to encounter that thought and that idea for themselves, rather than cutting it down in this miserable and pointless way?
The one thing that makes me happy about this review is that from now on I will give up seeking any validation from the mainstream establishment for my work in any way. This film was deliberately, and I would say, cunningly, constructed to build a bridge. If they can't even allow for that, I won't waste any more of my thought or my time on them.
The NY Times is in any case a blatant tool of the corporate military industrial complex with basically no integrity, as the Judith Miller case demonstrated without a doubt.
Counteracting the weird negative bias of the NY Times, here is a piece on the film that the BBC did on their show Talking Movies.
More tomorrow.
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"What Would a 'Post-enlightenment' Culture Look and Feel Like?", October 19, 2010
We are so accustomed to a certain base level of conflict, drama, and brute violence in our world that it is difficult for us to imagine another state of being — and if we try to, the guardians at the gates of the establishment will quickly rush over to mock us, shake their fists at us, and say we are "naïve." Don't we know that "human nature" is fixed and immutable, that greed and war will always be with us, that the rich will always grind the poor into the dust, and so on?
But actually there is no fixed human nature one can point toward. There have been and continue to be many human cultures — tribal societies — that had no interest in amassing material possessions, and thus no greed as we understand it, no poverty and wealth, no oceans of human misery, no giant war machines (although they did have local battles for glory or spoils). Many of these societies were matriarchal rather than patriarchal.
It was Gandhi, apparently, who noted that children are not born literate. We must teach kids to read.It was Gandhi, apparently, who noted that children are not born literate. We must teach kids to read. Literacy is, quite obviously, not just part of "human nature," but anyone can learn it. Similarly, nobody is born nonviolent, but they can be taught nonviolence as a way of being.
Our present-day culture does the opposite: It entrains people to be violent, and to accept violence as a normal way of life. Television shows blare gun battles and domestic violence around the clock. Video games where shooters kill vast armies of shadowy figures function as secret indoctrination tools that prepare young people to participate in war, or at least see war as normal in the default world.
We grow up in a control culture where the mass media is used as a technique for indoctrinating people to accept hell on earth as a natural and even seductive state of being. Who concocts all of this exploitative and apocalyptic content, and for what purpose?
One of my current favorite websites is www.vigilantcitizen.com, which analyzes popular music videos by artists like Rhianna, Lady Gaga, and Christina Aguilera, along with other artifacts of mass culture. The Vigilant Citizen finds these videos to be rife with occult symbolism that he relates to a hidden Illuminati and Free Mason conspiracy, and also to secret government mind control programs like Project Monarch, which purportedly used extreme techniques, such as sexual abuse and dosages of psychedelic drugs, in order to create "sub-personalities" in children, who can be programmed to follow directives. The concept is much like what is depicted in the film The Manchurian Candidate.
It is quite astonishing to watch Lady Gaga's videos, and many others as well, accompanied by the VC's analysis of them, as there does seem to be an astonishing repetition of particular imagery — the framed single eye, bondage gear, white and black checkerboard pattern, references to Alice in Wonderland, etc. — recurrent themes of domination and control and annihilation of the will. The VC proposes that the major music awards are orchestrated as occult spectacles. For those interested in this type of inquiry, vigilantcitizen.com can provide many hours of entertainment.
I also enjoy, and often return to, a video series on Youtube that demonstrates how neurolinguistic programming (NLP) techniques are blatantly used by Fox News anchors like Sean Hannity to control the discourse, belittle those with differing views, and create an illusion of authority. Employed in this way, NLP becomes a form of sorcery that uses subliminal cues and a technique called "anchoring" as well as sorcerer's passes to get beneath the conscious level of the mind and program the subconscious.
I often wonder if there really is a "they" — some orchestrated evil conspirator group that makes conscious use of mind control techniques to keep the global population in a state of idiocy and distraction. If there is a "they," one is tempted to say that they are doing a great job in keeping humanity blind and numb, asleep to our true potential as a species. It is conceivable that "they" are a non-human influence, like the Archons, the off-planet entities that the ancient Gnostics believed were running the show. Possibly, the dire suffering and misery spread across the surface of the Earth functions as an energetic charge for these off-planet entities, who feed like vampires on the emotional frequency emitted from the human energy body. While I don't know if this is the case, it is sometimes difficult to make sense of what is happening on our planet from any other perspective.
If the great slumbering mass of humanity were ever to awaken, we could quickly rise up and evict the malevolent overlords who control our world through sigil and symbol. Once this tiny minority was dethroned, the multitude could use design science principles to construct a global garden culture, a return to Eden (or Pepperland) but with all of the benefits of our modern technical prowess and metropolitan savvy. Some form of equitable distribution of goods and resources could replace the current suicide system.Some form of equitable distribution of goods and resources could replace the current suicide system. We could then turn to new areas of inquiry, such as refining methods to train our extrasensory perceptions and develop our currently dormant psychic capacities. We could give birth to ourselves as the "supramental" beings that the mystic philosopher Sri Auribindo foresaw we would someday become.
But hey, it is much more comforting to lie on the couch and watch the next meaningless baseball game as the last forests and few remaining animals are mowed down to make room for more hamburger farms.
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"Keeping Me Up Late In Denver", October 20, 2010
I am in Denver today, where I spoke on a late night talk radio show on Clear Channel, before my bookstore appearance here tomorrow night. The topics we covered in the show included large, complex systems — such as the global financial system — and what happens when they collapse. The host of the show said that he had a "pessimistic" perspective, looking over history as a series of failures leading to wars and revolutions. I said that my approach was to think of history from a design science point of view: The designer develops a prototype in the laboratory, and watches it work for a while until it breaks down, then builds a new model to address the flaws of the old one. Governments, political and economic systems are, in a sense, experiments in human social design where we explore different ways to make these odd, alienated little units of individual consciousness collaborate and work together for the greater good. Although the wreckage from past experiments have been costly in terms of human lives and suffering, it is also not surprising we haven't gotten it right yetit is also not surprising we haven't gotten it right yet. The human species hasn't been at it very long.
Recently, friends of mine (James Mathers, Paradox, and Raven of Datrium) have been focusing on one metaphor for the type of transformation we appear to be facing as a species: The transition from caterpillar to butterfly. Once the caterpillar is in the cocoon, the entire body of the caterpillar melts down entirely into jelly and a small group of what are called "imaginal cells" propagate the genetic information that leads to the reorganization of this mass into a butterfly. These imaginal cells are attacked by the caterpillar's immune system as a threat, but are able to distribute their DNA to ever-larger groupings of cells, until a new instruction code is introduced. In this transmutation, the insect goes from rapacious consumer to elegant pollinator, and is lifted off the earth by gaining the added dimension of flight.
Many people have used the term "dimensional shift" to describe what we may experience on a species level as we pass through the 2012 portal or transition from the Hopi's Fourth to Fifth World. I sometimes find all of this to be maddeningly abstract and indistinct. What do we mean by "dimension?" However, the caterpillar to butterfly metaphor is interesting because in this mutation, the caterpillar actually gains a literal extra dimension of vertical movement, and no longer needs to crawl.
If we were reliably able to access one extra sensory capacity, that in itself might qualify as a shift of "dimension"If we were reliably able to access one extra sensory capacity, that in itself might qualify as a shift of "dimension" — for instance, if we became capable of coherent telepathic rapport, or suddenly evolved to perceive another spectrum of color or light. These types of new perceptual modalities can occur temporarily during psychedelic journeys — it is conceivable that these aspects of the psychedelic experience are a kind of harbinger or indicator of some kind of transition that will be accessible to the wider species mind, at a certain juncture. The evolution of more refined sensory capacities is still mysterious. Some theorists argue that our ability to perceive the entire range of colors we now see only occurred within the last ten thousand years, and before that green and blue were indistinguishable. If this was the case, it would have been more like a quantum jump as a species rather than a trait developed through standard evolutionary models. The evolution of language is another similar conundrum for scientists and theorists, as I discussed in my 2012 book.
Perhaps it is possible if, as I have theorized in previous works, we are transitioning from the physical to the psychic phase of our evolution as a species, a range of modifications of our sensory mechanisms and biological organism could become almost simultaneously available to us or our immediate descendants. In a sense, the evolution of biotechnology — which often seems to me to be threatening and potentially dehumanizing — might instead be revealed as a logical advance of our natural evolution. As Barbara Marx Hubbard notes, "conscious evolution" is the "evolution of evolution, from unconscious to conscious choice." Perhaps in the end the dualistic divide between technology and nature will be superseded entirely, as we graduate to the next phase of conscious life accompanied by a liberated capacity for transforming the physical organism.
It is hard to decide whether such a development is desirable or repugnant — perhaps it is both.
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"Extinction of Ego as Mechanical Ballet", October 21, 2010
Those of us living in the fast lane of the information superhighway rapidly approach a maximum density of data and communication, a black hole where there is no signal left, and everything becomes noise. Under the force of this incessant barrage, our experience of being a person is undergoing a shift. Being inside of one's subjective self no longer feels particularly static or stable; our identity seems, instead, increasingly permeable, relational and relative. We discover that our personality gets perpetually shaped and reshaped by the flow of images and messages that press on us like a second skin or a high wind that blows against us. It becomes increasingly obvious that we are like cybernetic functions, only able to put back out what we first take in.
The ceaseless assault of new information in every area of study, so much of it seemingly so crucially important if we could only find the time to grasp it, shakes us from any presumed sense of certainty or authority. The deepening uncertainty, on so many levels, leads many people to regress, out of anxiety, into a reductive and simplistic mind-state. Rather than accept that they don't know anything, they pretend to believe in something, to identify with some ideology, political party, or religious faith, whether Transhumanism or Dominionism. As a saner but more stressful alternative, one can choose to remain open to the almost crushing cacophony of competing opinions, ideas, and viewpoints, which is best done by maintaining an inner detachment from all of it.
Our new tools of social media erode the boundary between private and public, self and other.Our new tools of social media erode the boundary between private and public, self and other. These technologies flatten the depth dimensions of interiority and privacy that novels once celebrated and which defined the shape of bourgeois identity in the Modern West, once seen as the great achievement of modern culture. It is hardly productive to ask whether this is a healthy or unhealthy development, since it is clearly both. Above all, it is a change of state, a shift in perception and a reorientation within a new social landscape that our ever-evolving technology continues to reshape and reformat.
The visionary philosopher G. I. Gurdjieff distinguished between "essence," our original nature at birth, and "personality," what we become after essence is deformed by family patterns, the imprint of culture and society, and other factors. It was once very difficult to retrace our steps and recover the original openness we had before the world carved its mask over our face. Oddly, we may find this easier today than in previous eras.
Non-attachment is a concept common to Eastern metaphysics. Over the last century, Eastern philosophy has exerted an increasingly powerful influence on the modern Western psyche, a process that parallels the evolution of our media technologies. Buddhist and Vedanta philosophers welcome the alienation of the observer from what he observes as the basis of liberation. Eastern thought proposes the ego is ultimately an illusion, with no intrinsic existence. Fixated on the drama and dream of the ego, Western culture traditionally finds this separation between observer and observed to be unsettling, although in the age of information overload, it has become our natural state. Through what Jean Baudrillard called "the ecstasy of communication," our sense of identity becomes less dense and more supple, strangely impartial and almost impersonal.
Perhaps this is what "global enlightenment" will actually mean: As enough of us realize that our "body-mind organism" is purely determined in all of its thought and action, this leads to the end of our ability to identify with our personality, which causes liberation, or the extinction of ego, whether we want it or not. Once this awareness reaches a global scale, the party or the annihilation event still goes on as before according to the precise karmic sequence, like a mechanical ballet, but nobody is left around anymore to either enjoy or detest it.
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"Why Do I Bother", October 22, 2010
Recently a few people have asked, "What motivates me in undertaking my work?"
Unfortunately, even with the option to live an increasingly jazzy life as jet set bohemian or psychedelic pseudo-guru, I can't seem to find happiness or peace in this world as long as it creates such vast amounts of needless suffering. I despise the inequities promulgated by our current financial system — a crime against humanity perpetrated by a tiny elite who find it appropriate that they should prosper obscenely while vast multitudes beg for scraps or starve to death in ignorance. I can't stand that we allow so many millions to rot in prison for crimes that should not be crimes, such as exploring their own adult consciousness with chemical substances. I am horrified that we let girl children around the world be sold into the sex trade, while our bland tasteless clothes get made by other exploited children working in factories. I find it unbearable how even in this so-called "free world" most of us, myself included, fear persecution or ridicule or worse for speaking what we know to be true and feel in our hearts. I hate living in a mass consumer culture that degrades the human being and turns "we the people" into brain-sucked zombies. I find our current civilization to be a sham built on lies that robs us of our birthright as spiritual beings, shamanic initiates, and star seeds. I simply cannot understand why we allow our society to continue making war and desecrating the natural world, causing mass extinction of our wildlife kin, ruining the climate, spreading toxic pollutants and poisons that become cancers in our flesh and the organs of our children; and committing so many other grim, glum, grimy old crimes.
For all these reasons, and more I could name, I remain committed to whatever revolution or evolution is necessary, whatever insurrection of the imagination or global awakening can be brought about in the time we have before our species behavior brings about the catabolic collapse of this dumb-fuck excuse for a civilization. I am not saying that the past was ever better or that we need to regress to find some archaic golden age. I think we are in an ongoing evolutionary process, and the threshold of evolution has shifted from the physical to the psychic dimension. When we unfold into time that is radial and no longer linear and perpetually insufficient, we will find the golden age waiting within us, and meld with it instantly.
I believe that we possess the capacity to bring about this revolution in time, but it requires the evolving stem of humanity to go beyond the illusion of separation and reach a state of pure collaboration, with all ego and pretense and self-interest completely dropped. We need to become not just students of revolution but psychologists and anthropologists, tacticians and clowns, making use of every technique available to us to work our way out of this self-destructive trap created by the human mind. We need to go far beyond our comfort zones, to cross every bridge to reach out to the other side that is wallowing in ignorance and fear, lost in dire fantasies of Armageddon and redemption through violence. They will soon bring those fantasies to life, if we don't stop them.
In pursuit of this mission, I co-founded Evolver, an organization which currently has 45 local groups meeting each month around the world as part of the Evolver Social Movement. Our strategy is to quickly build a network of local communities that share similar values, and test new techniques for transforming society in directly beneficial ways, working in collaboration with other groups that have similar aims, such as Transition Town and the Zeitgeist Social Movement. You can join the Evolver community at www.evolver.net and help us build this movement directly. As a member of ESM, you have the option to make a regular contribution to help spread our movement and support our infrastructure. If you find yourself aligned with Evolver's principles, I hope you will consider joining or forming a local chapter, as well as supporting us with a small regular contribution, so we can grow quickly.
There are no enemies, nothing to fear, and the time may as well be now.
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Comments
I understand
I understand exactly what you mean when you say that it is sometimes impossible to make sense of our world without coming to the conclusion that the global elite must be working for some sort of other-worldly force that feeds on suffering and misery. We've all been indoctrinated to think this is totally crazy of course which creates can create the confusing cognitive dissonance..
And fuck the New York Times. I watched 2010: Time for Change in Vancouver and I thought it was very inspiring. I really loved the closing scene where we are shown an animated clip of what the world could look like if we can all get our shit together. Real communities set within geodesic dome villages that work with their surrounding nature as opposed to against it. Beautiful.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
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"The superstructure is a lie and it's foundation is a huge quaking fear." - Henry Miller
Awesome Daniel, your courage to be genuine is remarkable
Your first duty
clown down
NLP is serious business
NLP (neurolinguistic programming) should be illegal, and FOX news is nothing less than criminal. Get rid of your television, people. Or at least be slective and know what you're watching is spreading information for the greater good.
To Daniel: Please please please, take care of yourself. The people NEED a leader like you to keep putting out the messages you spread, and you need to be healthy to continue that. You also owe it to yourself and the people you love to live a long and healthy life. Thank you for doing what you do, and please, continue. Cheers to you, Daniel!
Will the transformation...
I enjoyed your thoughts on
attempting to give back
Bless you*
Dear Daniel*
Great to read these articles, and much gratitude for your role and work as a warrior in the fore-front of these times...that being said, I beg of you, PLEASE take the time to take good care of yourself...I've witnessed a few "warriors" in my environment lately that have had to really withdraw from the paths they were walking on, in order to recharge their batteries...As valid as a life-mission might be, the body never lies~~~~~please listen to its wisdom, and ask the universe for signs to nourish you.
Thanks for suggesting that website: http://vigilantcitizen.com/ Damn, what a website, and indeed, hours of "entertainment"~~~~~I just got back from spending a month in Cleveland after growing up in America my first 17 years, and after living 11+ years in The Netherlands and Germany~~~~~Two things struck me while being there:
The potential of mass-brainwashing was something I realized and related to for awhile, growing up in America, but I could feel even more in my bones the extent that most people are influenced to believe that their worth as a human being goes hand in hand with the amount of money they make...and that belief is a powerful sickness that leads so many to madness, depression, violence. My reason for being in Cleveland for so long was to support my family and little brother who was shot randomly in a drive-by shooting (while he was minding his own business), most likely the target of a gang-initiation (wherein a new gang member must shoot someone in order to prove their "toughness")~~~~~my brother was shot right above the heart (very symbolic), had a beautiful near-death-experience, and survived (hallelujah!!!) My brother has been plagued by depression and negative patterns about himself for some time now, and all that is erased, he has forgiven his (unknown) wrongdoers, and has a strong dedication and mission to spread love and peace within his community... There is a LONG way to go, the healing of hearts, but the universe works in some mysterious ways, that i know to be true* And perhaps has a plan for us all...
Secondly, what really touched my heart--especially after living abroad for so many years--was the "american spirit": the ability to help one another out with a deed, generosity, and/or a friendly gesture, smile and helping hand. Life in Holland and Germany is lovely, don't get me wrong, but here we pay so much tax money so that we entrust the government with helping us out...I've witnessed that that often leaves an gap of isolation between individuals...You can't depend too much on all that government help in the States, therefore that spirit of helping one another out is truly an asset and a blessing..In these deeply transitional times, I dearly hope that is something to count on: I share this to shed light on the positive, within all that darkness~~~~The shadow we learn from, that transforms us in ways we could have never imagined...perhaps that is part of the human experience and master plan~~~~~somehow, someway, uniting the dark and light and becoming One*
God(dess) bless this website, take care of yourself Daniel, and forgive me if my words are jet-lag ramblings! And remember the prayer for us: http://freewillastrology.com/beauty/prayer.html
"There are only two ways to live your life: one as though nothing is a miracle, the other as if everything is a miracle. I believe the latter." --albert einstein
Sadness
Daniel,
There is indeed great sadness in you right now, it comes through as a beautiful, meloncholy ache in your words. I think sadness is such a powerful emotion, it has been a great teacher for me. When I let it wash over me and stay with me as long as it wants to be felt, I come away changed. Wiser, freer, lighter. There is a purpose in the feeling, it is a message from the divine unity which we are a part of, though our bodies, which are physical manifestations of God. Our emotions are God's way of communicating with us, in a sense. If that's true, to disregard the emotions as our culture teaches us to do, even the unpleasant, heavy, or "bad" ones such as anger, is in essence to blow off God. It's difficult to listen when our whole lives have trained us to disregard them, particularly when we so often receive messages at such inopportune times, and so often the messages seem so unclear and distracting from what we are doing, but we have to start learning the language of God, our physical sensations. I'm no expert at it yet myself, but I am learning, and as I learn to listen, I learn so much about myself and my role.
In the process I also learned that to taking care of myself is literally taking care of the world, because I am not separate. Being good to yourself is the easiest way you can be good to the world. I have found that my own sadness propelled me into a cocoon, one which I feel I will soon be ready to leave. I have learned all sorts of wonderful things here. I have learned the importance of healing, and as mentioned, the importance of feeling what we are sent. I have also learned how hypocritical I was being, researching and writing about all these new ways to be a human, things that we as a collective need to begin doing if we wish to survive on this planet, things that I was tremendously angry that we as a species weren't even attempting to do, even though they were things--like seeing the beauty that constantly surrounds us, like understanding everyone is in deep pain and having compassion, like listening to the messages of our bodies, like trusting in the ultimate rightness of the journey of separation, like knowing we (all of us!) have a life path and are already following it, etc.--that I wasn't able to do myself at the time. When the hypocrisy in this was pointed out to me, it made me indescribably sad that I was doing this very thing which so enraged me when others did it to me, a taste of which rage you received following the Chimbre incident.
The emotion showed me, basically, that I get infuriated when people who seem to claim to be at some fairly high level of enlightenment--which should give them the understanding as to why people behave the way we do--attribute our "bad" behavior to stupidity as you did, or defilements, impurities, or ignorance as many Buddhists do, rather than having compassion for the fact that our behavior is just the natural result of the deep psychic wounds from living in a world created by a separate, controlled, controlling, reductionistic, mechanistic, fundamentally purposeless worldview. And for some reason, though I was claiming to be at this state of enlightenment where I did know that our behavior stems from those wounds, I still became enraged when enlightened folks like you acted "badly," despite the fact that your behavior too is the right response to all the world has put you through, no matter how much healing you have done. In my cocoon my sadness allowed me to see and feel my hypocrisy--and I did feel it, and not from a detached state, but also not from a state where I viewed it as either bad or good, rather it just is--and through this sitting with the feeling I have come to understand that my hypocrisy too was due to the tremendous pain of the deep soul wounds our world inflicted on me, and all of us, and I now see that it is impossible to change until we begin to truly heal. It doesn't matter what I wrote or write, until we begin to heal no change is possible. Feeling my way through my sadness allowed me forgiveness, of self and other (I also smoked for about 17 years, and I'm not sure how the organ-emotion relationship works. Did I smoke because my body was begging me to feel the soul sadness and I misinterpreted that message as a longing for a cigarette? Or were the cigarettes simply feeding and expanding upon my grief at being brought into such an ugly world? I don't know, but I believe it's probably both.). I am still sitting with it, and I am still finding new things deeply buried in my past to forgive myself for and heal from. I imagine I still have plenty of tar in my lungs as well, it hasn't been long since I've been smoke free, and sometimes I wonder if as I am releasing the painful memories which come up as I sit with the sadness I am also releasing some of the tar. Some part of me believes I am, while some other part of me knows that the damage done to my body, no matter that it was all done in a misguided effort to make a painful world hurt less, is permanent.
Healing yourself is healing the world. Also, healing is a return to wholeness, and it is something which is a natural progression or flow. I no longer think it is something which must be--or can be--willed, as your Rilke quote suggests, though I once did agree with it. Healing is an example of why I now disagree. For all the allopathic medical establishment thinks it knows, they admit that healing might as well happen by magic. For all their supposed brilliance, they we know can't make healing happen, and are somewhat ashamed to admit that we still have no idea how it actually occurs. All we can do is create the conditions in which healing becomes possible, and then it just happens on it's own. You can't will healing (although you can pour your healing attention over the wound, which will allow healing to happen, and you can will your attention to go to the place which hurts. But I think there is a significant difference.)
I think this is one of the main reasons why the world hasn't begun to heal--because of the growth imperative of our economic system, we are actively, intentionally, prohibiting and destroying the necessary conditions under which healing is possible. I think this is one of the main reasons why Eisenstein says that the converging crises fill him with such optimism. Once money stops working and the crises converge, the conditions for healing--rest, warmth, silent contemplation, fasting, etc.--will be present, across the board, and healing can begin.
You are on a beautiful journey, I wish you (and all of us) healing, beauty, and peace. And, I pray that you can find time and space to begin to really feel into both this grief and this tightness in your lungs which is coming through so deeply and beautifully in your words right now. It's time. It's time to heal. That's what your body is saying, it's time to heal this wound.
Blessings,
Harlan
Well said Harlan...loved the post.
Daniel, nearly every time I
NY Times
Hey Daniel:
Don't fret the Times review. The mention of the film will entice those with curiosity to see it.
I think it was the late gossip columnist Earl Wilson who noted that the time to worry is when they ignore you.
In good cheer,
Best,
-stu
Thank You
"Why Do I Bother", October 22, 2010
I'm all for love and peace,
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